I loathe watever i am feeling now.


It has been 2 yrs wif Shen. And all along.. i dun hav the courage to think back the memories i had wif him... cos we been thru all..From doubts to happiness and of cos the many ups and downs. I always hav fear for him whether is he going to explode one day... i always hav the fear tat i cant be able to take it. I told him i am afraid of him leaving me in slience...he said it sooo easily tat i can go find myself another bf when it really happen...Why he can take it soo lightly? these 2 yrs really can be soo meaningless to him? Will he ever going to miss me? Will he ever regret for letting me go one day? And this time, i feel soo suffocated.. i tell myself not to cry, i tell myself not to behave sooo fragile infront of him.. i tell myself to smile.. i tell myself i am jus thinking too much...

But when i slept alone in the middle of nite... the unbearable pain jus crept into me. And i cried non stop. Cos i cant imagine the pain, i cant imagine my life w/o him. i cant imagine the emptyness i feel from within. i cant imagine i got to go on my life stil like as if nothing hav happen... Perhaps, if tat day really come... i jus got to deceive myself tat Shen is busy wif his work, Shen is in overseas, Shen is going to reservice, Shen is........

I cant think anymore.....
Wat i am waiting is a question mark in the r/s.

Now, i can only look forward to the daybreak smiling to myself tat he is stil in my life..................


I am emo. Sorry.