Shen was telling me yest how cheeky Bray was...
And i couldn't help smiling to myself whenever i think of it.

Shen wanted to tok to Ash over the phone when Bray called.
And while toking half way to Ash.. Shen heard Bray asking Ask to say 'hold on'.
And after Ash said 'hold on', Bray snatched the phone from Ash and told Shen this: " my didi don't want to tok to you..."

hahaha. Ain't Bray being very smart and cheeky?! The kids nv fail to amuse me in any way.. and they are ones who i can't bear to leave most.
But dey will grow up.. and slowly i will become a stranger to dem... and memories will jus tend to fade as days passes by, as dey grow up... well well well..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I seriously hate playing those 'fishing game'.
The moment when u want to give up, u are given some hope... some attention... some love that makes u think tat everything is ok to fall..
But when the moment comes when you decide to give it a shot and fall deeply, all those hope, attention and love seems to vanish in split seconds.

In such circumstances, i always end up in confusion.
Issit becos things ard me doesn't change at all and i jus held higher expectation unknowingly. Or simply becos the other party jus love to play this continuous mindfuking-fishing game wif me?? As the saying goes (or rather my saying), someone jus like to bring me to the highest high and drop me to the lowest low - Maybe he dont mean it.. it is unintentionally too.

Sometimes, i wish things are going to be more simple.
Why can't the treatments be consistent?
Cos on my side, i feel very tiring to guess what the other party is thinking... to be controlled by his major decisions / those harsh heartbreaking wordings which affect me greatly.
At the end of the day, i simply don't hav a say on what i really want.
The moment when i insist to want what i really want, i was told that i gave too much pressure and i got to be more understanding on the other side.
So back to the bottom again, cos i am afraid of losing him.. cos i simply fall too much.. cos i will prefer him to feel happier that way..
But... how abt my side??

Everyone is selfish.
Everyone needs to be treated in a significant way.
But... does that means, i can be treated better when someone feels like it, and be treated 'not-so-good'(i wouldn't say badly) when someone feel there isn't a need to shower me those attention.

I understand that guys need time of their own. They need to be alienated at times.
Sooo.. on my side, i got to do a forecasting on my own to see when he needs me and when he is not. Many times, i seriously wish i am a fortune teller.

Frens told me not to short change myself(Is not tat i am treated badly).
They hope dey will see a chirpy me again. The me when i will dare to love, dare to dream and live like theres no tomorrow!
And not someone who chose to depend on someone for happiness.

At times i will jus stare in a blank space.. thinking if someone can afford and/or don't mind to lose someone else again w/o feeling a tiny bit of pain, why shd the one being left behind feel it is a waste?





I've no ideal where the hell i've got soo much energy to love this time round.
Cos whenever i hear "i love you more than you love me...", my heart will melt painfully.

Can i have my soul back?

U noe what, it feels soo good to release such emotion out??
=)